As a believer, I always pray. The other night I had listened closely to my prayer and I recognized that I had prayed for everyone else except for myself. I honestly didn’t know what to do about it. So, I ignored it, until one day, I sat my bed at 2:00 am with insomnia, with my anxiety levels to the max, and feeling so trapped in my own body. As I sat there, with several thoughts running through my head, I couldn’t help but to just cry myself to sleep. As I lay there thinking about my emotions and feelings, the next morning I knew that I had to do something about it.
As I prepared for confirmation class, I realized that the message I was going to give the teens was the message I needed for myself: Life choices matter – we have the freedom to choose whatever we want in life, but those choices will define who you are and the freedom you will experience in life. And BAM there was my answer to my anxiety from feeling trapped, my freedom is God.
For a long time, I was feeling “trapped” by social perceptions, expectations for myself and expectations from others, comparisons, toxic relationships, and by the motto of “girl power” – I’ve always wanted to be completely independent, to do everything by my own means with no help because I wanted to prove that I can be an immigrant, that I can become successful and on top of that a woman.
The first step I had to take to be free was to recognize that I wasn’t free.
I realized that everyone without knowing had more opinion and control of my life than myself. I needed to recognize that was “trapped” by my social media, feeling enough, being over prepared for anything, toxic relationships, and by the idea of being independent – all these things were run by other people’s options in my life.
I was able to recognize what God has given me. My life, my talents, my abilities and I needed to take control of it and allow Him to be in the center of my choices and my life! I know it might seem ridiculous and that I’m restricted by a bunch of rules, but I reassure you that it’s nothing like that. When God becomes the center of my choices and my life, I become as free as I can be. It feels like I am in control and I feel empowered to the choices I make.
One thing always leads to another, so wherever you are feeling “trapped” in your life, whether that be in your emotions, habits, self-esteem, thoughts, paradigms or standards of life, etc…, I invite you to do these three things:
1) Recognize it (there’s nothing wrong with that!!!)
2) Make the decision to take control of your life
3) Let God work in your life