There is suffering in the world. Families broken apart because of war, hatred, and greed. We see the daily count of deaths increase because people aren’t free to profess their faiths, thoughts, and just simply live. Media lets us see the magnitude of the pain. The immense pain that many of us cannot relate. The depiction of evil taking over the most vulnerable, the poor.
Over several months, I had felt anger. Anger towards God and He knows it. We have a relationship in which I present to him my every feeling. This anger had been built up because I cannot seem to understand why all this suffering has to take place. Although my anger was present, I still let God know I trusted Him because I do. No matter what, before anything I trust in Him. This has been my prayer for several months now, and recently I have realized something, something he needed me to understand.
I carried guilt. I felt that my prayers were stupid and useless while the cry of destitute and pain continued. I felt as if I was undeserving to fulfill my dreams while many would never have the opportunity to do so. I felt guilty to rejoice every day. This guilt was with me, I felt like I needed to do more. I felt as if I needed to donate, to leave, to volunteer.
One morning, in prayer, I couldn’t speak. His voice was bigger than me and in silence I received clarity. Although it has taken a few weeks to truly understand what he wanted me to understand, I finally got it:
The mission is within me. The cry of pain and destitute is in my neighbor here right at home. I understand that the easiest way out would be to avoid the evident cry before my eyes. The guilt I was feeling at the moment was of hunger, hunger to serve. I expect to never be fulfilled till the day I see God face to face, and I pray to always feel this need, pain, and hunger for the needs of others. This doesn’t mean I’m ultimately prepared to serve the needs of others, but he thinks me worthy and he will prepare me for what He needs. So, I’ve slowly been able to switch gears to not feel guilt and accept the fact that I’m simply hungry, hungry to pass the message of mercy and love that one day was so graciously and generously passed down to me.
Finally, don’t feel like you have to go abroad to fulfill your mission. There is a huge mission right in front of us, and wow it’s HUGE. The poor of money usually have their priorities straight more than we do, the poor of the soul. This is not to discourage absolutely no one to be charitable with money and trips. I just want to create consciousness that if you ever feel like you’re not doing enough, you feel useless, and full of guilt, look to Him, He has an answer.
“I am the voice of one crying out in the desert, Make right the way of the Lord” John 1,23
Joandra Ocampo – Writer, unparalleled love